All women are goddesses, once the dark falls

Faljon   Fire in the Mist, Holly Lisle   ^†

"American women have so many privileges, demands and rights that smart men can no longer afford to marry them. You fat American women who think you should be treated like princesses by rich handsome men have priced yourself out of the market.

  … Educated women only marry men who are at least as educated/successful as them."

ƒidelity
azoospermic 20% GEWIS Institute DPJIP per physiognomy Edward Talurdey Jared Diamond links

Sperm Wars   Robin Baker
Science of sex

"4 to 10 percent of all children born to married couples are in fact the offspring of other men, usually of higher socioeconomic status, with whom the mother had a short-term relationship"

New research confirms what romance novelists have known for years: for brief affairs, women tend to prefer a dominating, powerful and promiscuous man.
However, when considering a long-term relationship, women are more likely to turn to a compassionate, sensitive and monogamous man, the report indicates.

… 2 male archetypes, described by the researchers as "cads" and "dads"; women consistently preferred a dad as a long-term partner. However, as the relationship shortened, women became more likely to opt for being with a cad.

Univ. of Michigan Ann Arbor prof. Daniel J. Kruger advises men against trying to adopt the "dark horse" persona.
Cads are often men in positions of power & leadership, such as the heads of companies or sports superstars, he said. Only a minority of men fall into that category, and being a dominant, highly successful and promiscuous man is hard to fake, he cautioned.

… "sexy son hypothesis," Kruger said, which proposes that, deep down, women may sometimes believe a son produced by the union with a cad will exhibit the same behaviors, eventually having sex with many women and producing many grandchildren.

The wifely duty   Marriage used to provide access to sex. Now it provides access to celibacy.
1.03   Caitlin Flanagan Atlantic Monthly

… "sexless marriages are an undeniable epidemic." Mass-circulation magazines aimed at married women rarely go to press these days without an earnest review of some new sexual technique or gadget, the information always presented in the context of how to relight a long-doused fire. (And I must say that an article in Redbook that warns desperate couples away from a product called Good Head Oral Delight Gel, "the consistency is like congealed turkey fat", deserves some kind of award for service journalism.)

Patricia Heaton, star of Everybody Loves Raymond, has published a memoir called Motherhood and Hollywood, in which she observes, "Sex? Forget about it. I mean that literally."
Books with titles such as Okay, So I Don't Have a Headache and I'm Not in the Mood have become immediate hits, and another popular book, For Women Only, lists various techniques that married women use to avoid sex, from the age-old strategy of feigning sleep to the quite modern practice of taking on household night-owl projects.

Allison Pearson's much loved novel about a busy working mother, I Don't Know How She Does It (which opens with the main character engaged in just such a late-night project), features a woman so tired that she's frantic to escape sex with her husband, prompting Margaret Carlson, of Time magazine, to observe, "Sleep is the new sex."
It has become impossible not to suspect that a large number of relatively young and otherwise healthy married people are forgoing sex for long periods of time and that many have given it up altogether.

Marital therapist Michele Weiner Davis' new book, The Sex-Starved Marriage, is not particularly interested in the cause of this strange turn of events, though she tosses around expected observations about the exhaustion that dogs contemporary working parents and the reduction in lust that has always gone along with marriage.
Hers is not a deep-thinking, reflective kind of book but, rather, a get-cracking-and-solve-the-problem kind of book.

Her solutions include "passion-building toolkit" filled with "field-tested" techniques, none of them bad. Part IV ("Doing It Together") is far more appealing than a scary mini-chapter called "The Do-It-Yourself Solution".
Make "romantic overtures," she counsels. A wife might buy some new lingerie; a husband might wear flattering clothes.

Most important, though, is a recommendation based on exciting new "research" revealing that for many people, waiting for the urge to strike is pointless; better to bash ahead and hope for the best.
Davis asks, "Have you ever noticed that although you might not have been thinking sexual thoughts or feeling particularly sexy, if you push yourself to 'get started' when your spouse approaches you, it feels good, and you find yourself getting into it?"

Many of her clients have received this counsel with enthusiasm. "I really wasn't in the mood for sex at all," reports one of her advisees after just such a night, "but once we got started, it was fun. I really enjoyed it."

American woman’s abuse of liberation; killing themselves and their families over their complete selfishness. Women have largely rebelled against traditional roles of mother & housewife, as these roles have been redefined by society & the media as repressive. Modern "entitlement" attitude so prevalent today is heavily promoted by Hollywood & TV entertainment news shows, staple of American female psyche to the detriment of her family.

"The difference between the upper and middle-class, is that the former spends other people's money to create wealth for themselves. We spend our money to mimic them.


… women long for peace and safety … and are simply caught up in what may be the dumbest worldliness ever known, … self-inflicted burdens & mental pressures that can be removed with truth"

… The American is in part defined by a sense of entitlement to having the time of her life. Credit for this connection goes to Lisa Carver, author of Dancing Queen "a lusty look at the American dream" …
Carolyn Heilbrun's advice:

"I want to tell women that the male role model for autonomy and achievement is the one they still must follow. … Women have denied themselves as examples the only models of achievement history offers us"

"What being American meant in the pioneer days, and what it still means today for those with a little bravery, is to create one's own world.


Long live the fiery, the unguilty, the unhumble, the dazzling, the cheerful and the brave.
Even if they don't live long, even if they look obnoxious or even stupid in a certain light, they're still wonderful and magnificent to me, and they're free, free, free."

Re female-driven desire for "things" as mater-ialism, women making themselves unhappy by confusing security & peace with the need for material possessions,
reverse of word coined by Phillip Wylie (Generation of Vipers, 1942) for inordinate worship of motherhood in his day: Momism.

Men are indoctrinated, controlled, and exploited to serve women, children, and society;
blame isn't really on either woman or man but on big business companies that control our lives. Feminists that follow them "are corporate whores & golems".

Male fallout from feminism
2.8.04   Henry Makow Ph.D. Save the Males

… "grace, charm and feminine essences no longer seemingly have value."
… Writing American women off only furthers the elite agenda. The best answer is to establish strong marriages with those women that still can be salvaged.

The movie of Henry James' The Bostonians, starring Christopher Reeves, demonstrates how a very strong and very patient man can help a feminist become feminine again.
A man can recognize these women by making a request: Will she do what he asks?
Of course, longer term, this requires earning her respect and trust (i.e. love.)

Casual relationships by definition are insecure.
They not only are frustrating but also consume too much time and energy. There is no context for love (and people) to grow.
Perpetual courtship is arrested development.

[ As noted elsewhere on this site, arresting development is a fundamental technique for domesticating animals, not least humans. ]

[ Breeding as a customary & ubiquitous practice is no longer a valid behavior on a planet much denuded by overpopulation.
Hence, "traditional" marriage as an appropriate & predominant mating model cannot be justified.


"Marriage" as a church &/or state sanctioned norm MUST be foresworn,   transcended in favor of voluntary & much considered contractual bonding,   for both partners' financial health and responsible population control.


By this means, a sustainable pairing model can be rationally developed in the marketplace of memes, rather than perverted for the sake of overlords' agendas.   ©   ]

The Tavistock Institute in London directs the elite's psychological warfare and social engineering.
They cooked up second-wave feminism to destabilize society.   Per Byron Weeks MD:

"All Tavistock & American foundation techniques have a single goal, to break down the psychological strength of the individual and render him helpless to oppose the dictators of the World Order.
Any technique which helps to break down the family unit, and the family inculcated principles of religion, honour, patriotism and sexual behaviour, is used by the Tavistock as weapons of crowd control."

Singapore   Male macaque monkeys pay for sex by grooming females, according to a recent study that suggests the primates may treat sex as a commodity. "In primate societies, grooming is the underlying fabric of it all," Dr. Michael Gumert, a primatologist at the Nanyang Technological University in Singapore, said in a telephone interview Saturday.
It's a sign of friendship and family, and it's also something that can be exchanged for sexual services," Gumert said.

Gumert's findings, reported in New Scientist last week, resulted from a 20-month observation of about 50 long-tailed macaques in a reserve in Central Kalimantan, Indonesia. Gumert found after a male grooms a female, the likelihood that she will engage in sexual activity with the male was about three times more than if the grooming had not occurred.
As with other commodities, the value of sex is affected by supply and demand factors: A male would spend more time grooming a female if there were fewer females in the vicinity.
"And when the female supply is higher, the male spends less time on grooming … The mating actually becomes cheaper depending on the market," Gumert said.

Other experts not involved in the study welcomed Gumert's research, saying it was a major effort in systematically studying the interaction of organisms in ways in which an exchange of commodities or services can be observed, a theory known as biological markets.
Institute for Theoretical Biology prof. Dr. Peter Hammerstein at Humboldt University in Berlin and University of Louis-Pasteur primatologist Dr. Ronald Noe in Strasbourg France, first proposed the concept of biological markets in 1994.

"It is not a rare phenomenon in nature that males have to make some 'mating effort' in order to get a female's 'permission' to mate," Hammerstein said in an interview, likening the effort to a "fee" that the male pays.
"The interesting result of Dr. Gumert's research on macaque mating is that the mating market seems to have an influence on the amount of this fee," Hammerstein said.
Hammserstein said Gumert's findings indicate the monkeys are capable of adjusting their behavior to "different market conditions."
Gumert completed his fieldwork in February 2005 and first published his findings in the November issue of "Animal Behaviour," a scientific monthly journal.

7 secrets to a long & happy marriage
2 bachelors share wisdom from couples who have been married decades   6.5.07   MSNBC

Matthew Boggs, whose parents divorced, was jaded about marriage. But he noticed his grandmother and grandfather, who had been married for 63 years, were still madly in love.
To find out what was the secret to a long and happy marriage, Boggs and his friend, Jason Miller, traveled 12,000 miles around the U.S. to talk to what they call the “Marriage Masters,” couples who have been married 40 years or more.
In their new book, “Project Everlasting,” Boggs and Miller share advice from the happy couples.

1. “Divorce? never. murder? often!”
Entering matrimony with the mindset that “divorce is not an option” is vital for the long-term success of marriage, say the Marriage Masters (a term we gave couples who have been happily married over 40 years). They went on to explain that this kind of mindset allows a couple to see solutions to marriage’s boiling points.
Not one of our interviewee couples avoided such periods of relational strife which would have otherwise been overlooked simply because one eye was too busy examining exit strategies.

Marriage Masters simplify this into one word: Commitment. And they’re quick to point out that commitment is the virtue sorely missing from today’s marriages. That said, there are deal breakers that very few of our interviewed couples advocated working through. These are known as the three A’s, addiction, adultery, and abuse.
A marriage overwhelmed by any of these 3 issues is unhealthy, plain and simple, and the Marriage Masters suggest that if you find yourself overwhelmed with any of the three A’s, take care of yourself (and your safety) first, and the marriage second.

  In the end, the old saying holds true: where your attention goes, energy flows. So the next time you’re facing a mountain in your marriage, focus on the next foothold and soon enough you’ll find yourself over the top.

2. “There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, only perfect moments".
We were shocked to discover how much work went into creating a great marriage. We’d always figured, “Hey, I’ll just find my soul mate and things will naturally fall into place after that ... we’ll live happily ever after".
Um, not so fast, one Marriage Master wife said with a certain look that meant business. “Whoever said being soul mates was going to be easy?”  Her husband of 52 years nodded, then added, “Marriage is a bed of roses, thorns and all".

Any time two individuals live together (especially over 40 years) there are bound to be annoying, irritating, and frustrating experiences. But whether it’s the toothpaste cap, toilet seat, snoring, or the last-minute pull-the-car-over-to-check-the-score-of-the-game-at-the-local-bar move, one thing is for sure: the best marriages are served with an extra helping of acceptance for one another’s peccadilloes.
“And that’s the beauty of marriage,” said Maurice, another Marriage Master. “All of our individualities, all of our wonderful differences. You gotta have friction. You can’t get any heat without friction.”
We would do well, they say, to expect non-perfection; practice patience and give the acceptance we want in return. There’s no doubt that this is hard work, but judging by the end result, it’s well worth the effort.

3. Unpack the gunnysack
“People ask us our secret to marriage,” said John, married 48 years. “I tell them it’s the boxing gloves. We aren’t afraid to say what’s on our minds.”
Unexpressed frustrations in a marriage can pile up and weigh us down like an overloaded gunnysack. These accumulated frustrations can quickly turn into resentments.
“Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die,” said Sally, married 50 years. “Resentment will eat away at your marriage.” The Marriage Masters encourage us to unpack the “gunnysacks” by opening the communication lines as frequently as possible.

But guess what? If we haven’t created and nurtured an environment where open, honest communication is welcomed and treated with diligent respect, then we can wave these crucial “clearing the air” moments goodbye. So where did some Marriage Masters go to build that trusting, open environment? Weekend marriage retreats!
These powerful getaways stood out in many of our interviewees’ minds as the one experience that turned their faltering marriage into a flourishing one. The trick, of course, is convincing the husband to attend.

4. Never stop dating
It has been said that it’s the quality of time, not the quantity of time that matters. But now we know, thanks to the Marriage Masters, that it’s the quantity of quality time spent together that leads to a wonderful marriage. Whether it’s a vacation in the Bahamas, or simply spending a night at a local motel once a week, keeping the romance burning is easy: all you have to do is keep stoking the fire.
One woman, married 47 years before her husband passed away, disclosed her secret to lifelong love. Every night, when her husband came home from work, they went up to their bedroom and hung a sign on the door that read “Do Not Disturb: Marriage In Progress".
For the following fifteen minutes they’d focus all their attention on one another. No phones, no pets, no distractions; even the kids knew that mom and dad were not to be bothered. When asked what they did in their bedroom, she laughed and said she’d leave that to our imaginations.  That was probably best anyway.

5. “Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E”
Marriage Masters have a high degree of selflessness.
“I’ll never forget what my mentor told my wife and me before we got married 42 years ago,” said a Marriage Master named Walter. “He looked at us and said, ‘Most people think marriage is 50/50.  It’s not. It’s 60/40. You give 60.  You take 40. And that goes for both of you.’”
It’s always super-apparent in the best of the best marriages that both spouses have followed this philosophy. Though it’s not a difficult concept to understand, putting one another first, it’s surely a bit more difficult to practice consistently, especially with the prevailing “Me first (and second)” mentality today.
“The younger generations seem to have a sort of me-me-me mentality,” says Donna Lee, married 45 years. “The great part is that the me gets everything it needs when it puts the we first".

6. Join the CMAT club
Grandma Dorothy Manin, the inspiration for Project Everlasting with her 63 years of beautiful matrimony, formed an informal club when she turned 70 years old. She called it the CMAT club. The CMAT club stands for Can’t Miss A Thing and represents the idea that life is short, so make sure to enjoy as much as you can.
The death rate for human beings hovers right around 100 percent, and is expected to remain there forever. Consider this: if the average life span is 77 years, then that means we only have 77 summers ... 77 winters ... 77 Christmas mornings ... 77 New Years, and that’s it.

The Marriage Masters know this all too well. It’s easy to get caught in the day-to-day craziness of life and, in the process, take our spouses for granted. A widow named Betty, married 54 years, says, “Now that he’s gone I wish I hadn’t had so many headaches".
The Marriage Masters are here to remind us that this adventure we call life goes by in the blink of an eye; relish your sweetheart’s presence while he or she is still here.

7. The discipline of respect
“You can have respect without love,” said Tom, married 42 years, “but you can’t have love without respect".
His sentiments were not uncommon in our 250-plus interviews around the nation. The number one secret to a thriving, everlasting marriage, as declared by the Marriage Masters, is respect. It is the catalyst for all things beautiful in a relationship: trust, connection, authenticity, and love.

Unfortunately, respect, in all its seeming simplicity, is too easily overlooked, leading to criticism and all the ugliness that eventually causes both spouses to wonder (and vehemently): How in the heck did I ever fall in love with this person?
“You are the master of your words until they are spoken,” a Marriage Master of 65 years pointed out. “Then they become the master of you so choose your words carefully.”

Making lust last
Rekindling passion for the husband you still love
2007   Keith Ablow, M.D. Good Housekeeping

People sometimes tell me they know a couple married 20 years whose sex life is still as good as it ever was. Here's what I tell them in return: "There are only three possibilities. One: This couple is lying. Two: They are telling the truth, because they didn't have good sex to begin with. Or three: Sex is all they really have together. They never connected emotionally."
I've drawn that conclusion by listening to the many dozens of husbands and wives I've counseled, almost all of whom have admitted that after 10 or 20 years of marriage, passion became elusive.

Sharing lives is different from sharing dinners and long walks and weekends away. When you were dating the man you ultimately married, you were both acting much of the time (consciously or not), putting your best feet forward in order to be attractive to each other.
When you were sick or had a bad headache, you probably pretended it was no big deal. So did he. Now when your stomach is upset, you feel free to tell him you're about to throw up.

When you had an argument with a close friend or your sister, you might have told him, "It really wasn't the best day, but it's getting better now that we're together." He might have smiled, taken your hand, and said, "Tell me what happened. I want to know." Now when he asks how your day was, you might just say, "Fine," and leave it at that. And he might be happy to leave it at that too.

Nobody would write that kind of dialogue into a romantic movie unless it was a sad or serious one. But that's how married people generally talk because no one can always act adoring or keep up an air of mystery while sharing the same space with his or her spouse, year after year. Here are the truths about sex, as I've learned from years of counseling, for most married couples.

Love is constant; passion needs recharging
No surprise: Everything in the universe eventually demagnetizes when left in proximity to something of the opposite charge. Magnets do, and men and women do too. Some people fall out of lust in seven days, never mind seven years or 17. Basic animal attraction is a force of nature that seems designed to make us mate, not mate for life.
Relaxing in marriages, freeing ourselves from the pressure of trying to impress partners, has a predictable outcome; our partners are not impressed. The magnetic spell we once cast on them begins to lift.

Cozy is comfortable, but not sexy
To the extent that men and women become real to each other, they cease to be princes and princesses, gods and goddesses who inspire romantic fantasies or amorous worship. Since couples lucky enough to be emotionally genuine with each other share so many real moments, they need to pay special attention to creating magical ones, because great sex requires magic.
I'd never suggest that a couple trade their warm, safe home life for better sex. Why keep your distance just so you can make love with abandon? I believe you can have a close marriage and recapture a good sex life, but only once you admit that reigniting romance takes creativity and a commitment of time and energy.

Intimacy doesn't equal sex

When a man and a woman reveal themselves to each other, it makes each person feel more vulnerable. And, particularly for men, it's hard to have amazing sex while feeling emotionally exposed.
Our earliest experiences with being close come from our relationships with parents. Those relationships aren't (in any normal scenario) linked with sexual passion.
That's why some husbands and wives are open about what pleases them sexually only when they have affairs. They feel as if they have to be free of "family" to be free with their amorous impulses.

Having kids definitely doesn't lead to better sex
Children in the home define husbands and wives as parents first and foremost, not lovers. That further sets the psychological cement that reminds us we are in a family home, not a love nest. Most couples get caught up in the momentum of deciding who's going to drive which child where, how everyone will end up getting dinner, who's doing laundry because there's no clean underwear for tomorrow, and more. It's hard to switch gears and end up in overdrive in bed.

The love nest you create often feels much like a family nest you left
The way we behave in marriage frequently ends up resembling how we acted with our parents and siblings rather than the way we acted on our honeymoon. We wind up expressing jealousies transplanted from sibling rivalries, or we shut down because we feel like we aren't getting the attention we missed as children. When childhood dramas take over a marriage, the spouses start to drift apart, especially sexually, because powerful, conflicted emotions from the past siphon any pure passion from the present.

What turns him on? You may be the last person in the world he'd tell
With all the talk about the difference between sex and intimacy, the two are powerfully connected. That's why what moves us sexually is usually one of our most closely guarded secrets. It's a window to our soul. In a marriage, opening that window means being seen emotionally naked 24/7. That's why many people don't open it at all. That's a big loss.
In working with couples for more than 15 years, I've rarely met anyone who doesn't welcome hearing a partner's sexual fantasies, once that person summons the courage to reveal them. I've seen lots of people blush, but I've never seen anyone get angry.

5 ways to put the X back in married sex
Luckily, with so much passion locked inside us, there's a lot to unlock. It's just a matter of finding the right key. For most couples, being married makes being passionate together more difficult, not less. Admitting this is happening is the first step toward making it stop.
You can change your sex life this week. Pick one item from this five-point plan and try it out. Have your husband pick another for next week. You'll be on your way to married sex that works. Trust me. Not only am I a doctor, I've been married for 12 years.

1. Assume you don't know everything about each other sexually. As I've said, very often a husband and wife can be married for many years without ever telling each other what they find most exciting in bed. This is partly because many people remain painfully embarrassed about their sexual needs.
It's also because too much is at stake, the emotional bond between husbands and wives, to gamble it on fulfilling a need that might be seen as odd, selfish, or simply beyond the comfort level of their partners for life.

After years pass, it often becomes more and more difficult to reveal a "hidden" desire, because it feels like introducing something very foreign into the relationship, or admitting that you've been fibbing about your sexual desires all that time.

2. Offer up an emotionally safe way to explore each other's fantasies. The walls separating husbands and wives romantically do not dissolve spontaneously. They have to be dismantled piece by piece. You can start by inviting your husband to slowly reveal aspects of his sexuality.
I recommend my patients say something relatively non-threatening, like, "I had the craziest thought. Why don't you tell me something you think would really surprise me about what you wish we could do in bed? Then I promise to tell you something I think would surprise you."

Putting it that way assures the other person that you anticipate being taken aback, and welcome it. That means your husband doesn't automatically have to edit out the most erotic parts of his fantasy. If saying anything out loud is just too embarrassing for you, try putting a block of Post-its in an envelope for him with a note that says, Leave a fantasy under my pillow, and I'll wake you up in the middle of the night. Or send him a special Valentine's card.

3. To make sex less intimidating, turn it into a game. Ask your partner to tell you three of his fantasies, and you get to choose one to act out. Then it's his turn; you tell him three of yours, and he selects one. If he wants to pick two from your list, and you take him up on that offer, he also gets one of the two remaining fantasies on his list.
Bargaining builds romantic tension. Being playful will be a welcome reminder of how energized the two of you once were and could be again. As an alternative, you could simply say, "I know you haven't told me everything you like in bed, even though we've been together for years. So give it up: What have you been dying to do?"

4. Provide examples. In order for your spouse to believe that you want to hear his real fantasies, you'll have to prove it by giving a believable example. Otherwise, he'll think you expect him to say something nice about you falling asleep in his arms. Try something like this: "You know, whatever really excites you, being tied up, pretending I'm someone else, you name it."

5. Give real-life routine a rest. Monotony (not to be confused with monogamy) is the enemy of passion. In order to see your mate as the prince, and for him to see you as the princess, it helps to set the stage and put on the right costume. Tell him to meet you at a restaurant for a date. Dress to impress each other.
Then surprise him with a key to a motel room or a secluded beach cottage, no packing allowed. Even if an overnight isn't possible, you can alter your look to be "new" for your partner. A different style of clothing or different hairstyle or even a tiny tattoo on your ankle might trigger new feelings in him.

Being "different" for him in bed doesn't mean he won't love you for everything you've always been outside the bedroom. But part of him (you know which part) wants to believe he just met you. And there's nothing wrong with your wanting to meet him for the first time too. Feel free to suggest that a beard or more closely cropped hair might look cool on him for a while. Ironically, the kind of fantasies we try to keep so private are the kind of scenes that actually do appear in movies. That suggests that all of us have some potential to write true romance into our lives. We just have to decide it's time to start. My guess is you won't get too far down that road before you notice the passion wasn't really gone from your relationship. It was just hibernating.

Study busts myth that women want less sex
Once in a relationship, both genders have similar attitudes about sexuality
[ Study reported in article does not support this assertion ]
6.19.07   Jeanna Bryner MSNBC

Bachelors might have sex on their minds more than their single female counterparts, but once in a committed relationship, men and women have similar attitudes toward the act, a new study finds. The results, published in the April issue of the journal Sex Roles, reveal how sexual stereotypes, in which guys want to go for it and gals tend to resist, don’t hold when romantic feelings come into play.

“Men experience a lot of pressure in our society to have sex with a number of different partners,” said study researchers Univ. of FL psychology grad student, Paul Perrin, “the opposite of what women experience as kind of the gatekeepers of sexuality.”
Past studies, the scientists point out, have shown that compared with women, men are more sexually permissive, endorse casual sex at higher rates and masturbate more often. A recent study showed men were more than twice as likely as women to report dreams about multiple sex partners.

Tom Tiegs of UF and Perrin, along with their colleagues, surveyed 208 women and 131 men in an introductory psychology course there. The students rated 160 statements on a scale ranging from “strongly disagree” to “strongly agree” regarding their sexual behaviors and attitudes. The statements fell into 4 categories.

In category 1, “sex as personally and physically pleasurable,” statements included: